One Stone, Two Birds
by jiemae
Summary: One world loses two souls to another. Two girls gain siblings they would have been better off not having—and the stone causes ripples no one would have guessed. [OC Insert]
1. Love Life - Inori

**A/N:** This was written in the spring of 2014. It's just been sitting around collecting dust, pretty much. This story is a collab effort between me ( **jiemae** ) and my sister, **SassySizzleMonster**. It's kind of experiencing a resurgence alongside our other work, **Rumble Tumble, Double Trouble** (also posted on this account). This first chapter is the experience of Inori Yamanaka, future big sister to Ino Yamanaka with little to no clue about the main series. The next chapter will be the experience of Anzu Haruno, future big brother to Sakura and fanboy of the Naruto series. They were both previously best friends. This story is intended to not be a serious take on the Self Insert tag, it's for fun and entirely for the sake of entertainment. Who even knows if this story will see more added onto it? Have you _seen_ my list of on-going stories?

Anyway, read on and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter One**

* * *

 **Inori**

* * *

I gurgled.

That's right, I didn't speak, cry, yawn, or sigh. Nope, I gurgled. And you want to know why that is an unacceptable act? Because only babies gurgle, and I am not a baby. No, I am a twenty-four year old woman, who has led a successful career as a singer, living single and free and happy. I didn't ever feel the need to gurgle, not even when subsequently shit-faced after some of the more awful after parties. But then, I didn't even know where I was.

One second I was yelling at my best pal and then the next...

Well, the next I was doing nonsense baby actions.

"Inori-chan! Welcome to the world!" I heard a fresh and young voice say to me and I spat up in reply, my saliva gathering up in my mouth as I tried to speak. Who in the world was Inori? I've never met anyone with the name, not to mention the fact that these people were speaking in a stranger dialect than I was used to. But that wasn't the strangest part of it—I was in America, and they _should_ be speaking in English.

I didn't know what to think. I mean, they weren't talking to _me_ , that much was evident to me. Regardless of my current position in struggling to both see and speak, they couldn't have been referring to me and thus, no, it did not mean my nurses were speaking Japanese and expecting everyone to understand them.

But it did calm me down a little, despite the outward panic at waking up with a very obvious problem. There was something special in knowing that someone around me spoke what was my maiden tongue. It meant I wouldn't have to worry about not knowing enough English to explain my situation—if I actually _could_ speak still.

I attempted to talk again but worrying still was the same sound of a high pitched garbled out noise leaving my mouth. It was almost as if I was back to square one, an adult trapped in the body of a baby...

"She's so cute, ah! She looked at me," someone cooed, their voice coming from somewhere above me. Gosh these voices were loud, blaring like a speaker or megaphone right into my ears. I moved my head back, it being surprisingly heavy to move and gurgled again in complaint. How odd, how confusing.

I didn't want to start panicking but now actually seemed to be a decent time as I struggled not to connect their words to...well, _me_.

"Inori-chi, look at me! I'm your aunt!" I swung my head in the direction of the annoying voice, just for the sake of testing the relation—only to be hit with a brutally gleeful laugh, "Oh gosh, she's such a pretty girl!"

By now—I mean you would have to be stupid not to notice—I saw that they were addressing me. But I didn't get why. Even odder was the fact that I couldn't talk. Fuck and I was _trying_ too. Worse than that though, I couldn't even see clearly. Which wasn't surprising as I had been near blind without my glasses but I usually wore contacts nowadays so by default, I should be able to see.

I mean, I just got into a car crash but I didn't lose my contacts. I hope I didn't, that is. I was touring and that would mean that I needed to see if I were function as I should. But even as I blinked rapidly, the panic rising up, I never felt or saw my vision clear up. My sight was blurred and that meant I wasn't in top shape.

How bad was the damage anyway? I didn't feel much different in terms of physical pain. But then again, I couldn't really think. My thoughts were rather confusing, one moment I would feel like the adult I was and then the next, I was responding childishly to the monsters before me.

I didn't get any of this. I was usually a rational, calm person. So why was I thinking that I was—no joke—in a baby's body and these people were my new family? That couldn't be, as reincarnation was a bunch of baloney and being a baby? Absurd. I would hardly be conscious of my past life if reincarnation did indeed exist.

And besides, this 'Inori' they were talking about, even if they seemed to address me, must be somewhere close by. I shouldn't get too confused.

But even as I denied everything in my head, it didn't hide the fact that not a moment later, I was lifted up into the air, my stomach dropping as the wind whipped harshly at my face. My blurry world tilted before I smacked heavily into a pair of bulky arms. Someone had just thrown me and _caught me like a goddamn football_. Uh, what the—what the fuck?

There was a laugh, deep and husky, and then the sound of someone getting smacked.

"Inoichi, our baby girl isn't a toy to be thrown about."

A sheepish laugh resounded as my body was settled against the warmth of another human being. It was the only familiar sensation. But it was odd somehow. I was being cradled into the warmth, as if I were small or in the hands of giants. Even as I began to feel rather strange, my heart beating stupidly fast from the sudden fear that engulfed me, I restrained the urge to cry. I hated crying, it was an ugly thing to do. You get all sticky and your eyes get heavy. I was done with heavy eyes.

I wondered when these giants would be done with my body and when they would realize that I was not Inori. _My name is... My name is Suki Arikawa._

 _Don't forget._

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

"She's so quiet, we didn't even hear a peep from her on the way home."

"I don't think it's anything to be alarmed about!" the monster who had tossed me in the air cheerfully said, "In fact, I think we should be grateful for the fact that she won't keep us up."

God, this was not good for my head. I mean, this was all so ridiculous but even now, I was so tempted to believe that this was true. If so, where was I exactly? Why was in Japan and not America? What did it mean that I could still recall completely the life I had been living before? In all honesty, I didn't want to start all over. I didn't want to be a kid again, I had built up too much momentum with my music—enough to tour overseas! I couldn't even properly believe that all of that was over, that I was reborn and now a completely different person. Which made me wonder, just maybe, am I dreaming all of this? Perhaps this is all a figment of my imagination while I rested in a coma.

If so, I would like to wake up soon. Like right now.

Oh God, if you're there, listening, I don't think I could hang on much longer here!

Especially not with an idiot couple that was apparently my new set of parents.

"She's kind of cute, ya know? I think she takes after you the most, with that fair skin of hers. She'll be rather popular with the boys."

The man gave a grumbled oath before the woman replied by murmuring quietly, "Oh dear, hopefully she won't look too much like me. Brown hair and eyes is awfully dull for someone of the Yamanaka's prestige."

"Hisae, you must know already that you're the prettiest woman in the village. I would be ecstatic to have a daughter who looked like you."

"Oh, Inoichi, you always know the right words to say," A slight pause, one filled with warmth. "How could I have been so lucky to have you?"

"Oh, but it's the opposite, my dear sweet Hisae," the male said. His name is Inoichi? And he's a Yamanaka? Oh lord, this dream just got even more bizarre. Why would someone fictional be my father? Perhaps he's just someone with the same name or maybe I have hidden fantasies of something like this? It wouldn't be surprising, my own father wasn't what you'd call "warm".

"Oh dear, not here," the woman said, and after the sounds of some shuffling, a deep sigh resounded.

"I guess it can wait till you fully recover," another long dragged out sigh, "Hurry up, okay?"

A soft, gentle laugh, "You're rather immature, Yamanaka-sama."

"Oh, is that how it is, Kageyama-sama."

"Ah, yes, it is."

There was a small growl, from Inoichi, "That's where you're wrong. You are no longer the daughter of a great lord, you are the wife of a super cool shinobi, the head of the Yamanaka clan!"

"I see, that may be the truth of the matter," Hisae's voice went softer than before, "I am yours forever, darling."

"And I am yours, eternally."

This exchange, seemingly normal for the two, hurt my head. As I thought, love is disgusting.

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

"Good morning, my dear sweet Inori-chan!" Hisae's voice resounded in the air as I opened my eyes up. So the dream had not ended...?

"You're such an odd child, you know that? You never even moved in your sleep. That kind of stillness is rather terrifying to see in the child of a shinobi."

I continued to look at her, my eyesight still clouded but her figure was clear to see. She was slim, by the looks of it, and wore something dark but that was all I could really gather. I wondered if she was as pretty as Inoichi had boasted about.

No matter, it shouldn't concern me. But what should concern me is what she had just said. The child of a shinobi? Had my coma really put me in a fictional land? It wasn't enough to be the daughter of someone fake, now I had to be born into this world that was the center of a manga my good friend had been so deeply involved in? Is my subconscious stupid?

"Are you hungry, Inori?" Hisae went on with, unaware of my current dilemma. Suddenly, as I tried to ignore her, I was lifted up from the bed that I had slept on during the night. In her arms, I was carried to a corner, as she sat down on a rocking chair. For a brief moment, she rocked us, and then stopped as she began making motions that my current vision couldn't understand. Soon, my face, or rather my mouth was pressed up against something soft.

I froze, now knowing exactly what I was faced with. Hisae's breast.

Strangely enough, I was oh-so very tempted to actually take her nipple into my mouth. Yet I couldn't. That would be... that would be gross.

We were like that for several minutes before she sighed and murmured, "Am I not good enough for you too?"

And like that, my mouth had taken in her flesh and I was sucking as if my life depended on it. Well, I guess it did. Or didn't? Can you die in a dream?

"Oh wow, Inori-chan, slow down," Hisae gave a light chuckle.

All I will say more on this subject is that my new "mother" had some strangely delectable milk. Hey, I was techinically a baby and there was no shame in admitting the truth. As long as it was only to myself.

As long as it was only to myself.

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

Two months had passed, and I finally found that I could see better. I couldn't focus much yet, but when my mother would lean in within eight inches, I was able to see her face in actual detail. Inoichi hadn't lied. She was beautiful, with her warm brown eyes that held tints of gold.

I kind of wish that, even if this were a dream, I got those eyes.

It was great though. No more fuzz or difficulty seeing things as they were. Who knew babies had to learn to see?

But never mind that, I was just abuzz with happiness at the prospect of gaining a tad bit better skills, making me feel somewhat independent in a sense. I couldn't wait until I was potty trained, that's for damn sure.

Those two months had been spent in the warm arms of my mother, Hisae. Inoichi proved to be much too busy to hang around long but I did see him daily, if only for a few brief minutes. When he came, he always tried to do the impossible and make me laugh. I have to give credit where it's due and, honestly? For someone who didn't look like it, he could be pretty goofy when he wanted to be. At the very least I gurgled at him in show of my appreciation as things can be rather boring in the body of a baby.

Which makes it all a pretty weird dream. Most dreams aren't so detailed and vivid in the sense that I'm quite literally living day to day in it. But I had never been in a coma before so what the heck did I know?

Regardless, over the time spent in this dream, I didn't express much emotion, and the most I had ever managed to give was a small smile or buzz of noises that was rarely ever caught when it meant something. I should indulge them, right? But that was a hard thing to do. I had enough of a hard time trying to convey my emotions in the real world. I didn't need to entertain them uselessly. If they didn't exist, they weren't likely to have emotions I could hurt, right? So I never really tried to indulge their delusions.

But, almost as if they _were_ real, it was something that concerned them, and made them worry. Which was kind of sad in a way. My own parents were too busy ignoring me to care and maybe this was my brain's way of giving me something I never had before... So maybe, it was going to be alright to remain inside of a dream for a while. It's not like I _wanted_ to rush into the sort of recovery that would take place for an injury that had done this to me in the first place.

Kind of a funny thing out of all of this, I often overheard hushed conversations between my and visitors. Always, after someone visited me, Hisae would lead them out and then they'd speak their mind regardless of whether they were asked.

"She's not...stupid, is she?" Some would ask.

"Hisae, you've got a prodigy on your hands!" Others would say.

Intelligence may indeed be in the eyes of the beholder.

In the end, my mother would usually reply with a stiff voice as she would say, "She's just a bit shy, that's all."

Which was another, more incorrect way, of describing my inability to socialize and the circumstantial selectively social person I can become and remained steadfast as. This was something very, _very_ unlikely to change.

People are scary and hard to talk to,y'know?

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

"There you are," Inoichi's voice called out and I turned, gaze dark.

Another month had passed since my vision had cleared, meaning I was but three months old in this dream—which basically equated into three months that had been spent questioning the logistics of life. No answers were given and ultimately, it was around this point in time where I was working on getting over my concerns and just relaxing.

In the end, it was a good, kind dream—but sometimes it was weird.

My father, his likeness to the character from that manga still startling, lifted me up from my place on the floor. My mother was asleep, having fallen asleep sometime during the day as I played with the wooden blocks (or looked at them really, as I couldn't even crawl yet, much less hold things—this didn't at all stop me from trying though). Not exactly entertaining but it was better than nothing.

"Want to take a bath with daddy?" Inoichi asked and I froze, unsure of what to do.

He wasn't serious, was he? He couldn't be.

Children my age should only be bathed in small water basins so I couldn't drown. Inoichi took my silence as approval, as he always did, and began making motions for us to leave the room. Ugh, if only Hisae would wake up and save me from this murderer.

But she didn't, and soon I found myself in a room filled with men and my father talking over people as he spoke with two rather familiar faces. Now if this was my dream's idea of a job, it wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"I could only smuggle her out now. Sorry you guys haven't been able to see her," Inoichi said and a man with a spiked ponytail laughed, eyes crinkling.

"Is the mama bear that disapproving of us? It's been this long and we're barely meeting the kid now."

"Eh, she just doesn't trust anyone with Inori. She's scary," he faked a shiver as he turned back to me, blue eyes wide, "Isn't that right, Inori-chan?"

Flippantly, I nodded, a jerking motion that could hardly be considered one, and the others laughed. I stared at them unfailingly, no humor in my eyes. It was kind of true of Hisae, as whenever Inoichi even so much as attempts to throw me up in the air, she'd lash out, her fist leaving multiple welts on his forehead. I couldn't imagine what she'd be like when she found out about this little trip Inoichi had taken me on...

God, I could see things I had never even seen in my real life before.

 _Look away, look away!_

"Can we hold her?" The one with the spiked hair said, arms open for me. Inoichi nodded, and handed me over. Immediately, I smelled cigarette smoke. Now I knew who this was; Asuma Nara. It was like my friend said, right? There was a guy who smoked around the team with Shikamaru...I think? And the fat one must be Chouza Akimichi. Lovely.

"Kind of sad that she won't have any buddies for a while. Is the Ino-Shika-Cho a bust?" Chouza said, gazing at me with wonder and a hint of remorse, "Sorry I can't find a wife."

"Hey, man, it's okay. Hisae and I probably should've used protection anyway," a pause, as I was looked at thoughtfully, "Besides, Shikaku is still only dating his girl."

Shikaku snorted, "That'll change soon."

"Yeah, when you get around to it in a year. I can't believe she can stand you."

"Hey! Hisae's got it pretty rough too, with _you_ as her husband."

"You mean pretty _great_ ," Inoichi corrected the Nara easily as I was bounced in his towel covered lap.

"How many times have you tried to throw Inori? The times you've left her without watch? Handed her a kunai to see what she'd do with it? Carry her upside down?"

Inoichi gave a guilty chuckle, "I guess you actually have a point."

"Hah, to think you torture guys for a living," Chouza bit out in a hearty laugh.

"Moving on, when Chouza finds a girl and Shikaku grows a pair, we'll do the planning to secure the Ino-Shika-Cho trio."

"What plans do you have for Inori then?" Shikaku asked and I brightened. Obviously I would live an easy life taking care of the flower shop my mother and I spent so much time at. I mean, this is a dream and dreams don't force you to become and ninja and kill, right?

"She's going to be the heir, obviously. My second born will just have to deal with that."

My stomach dropped. No way, no way was I cut out for _that_. It's final. My subconscious was an absolute _moron._

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

It was another month, perhaps two when I saw those two again.

The day was my father's birthday, a rather big deal apparently. He was turning twenty-four and not only that, his position as the head of the clan had been finalized now that he had me, a solid heir to his title. The house had all been decorated rather beautifully, with paper-lanterns that glowed orange in the night, as well as flower arrangements from my mother's shop setting a lovely mood for the night.

It was all rather elegant, how everything looked.

"So, Inori, do you like what you see?" Hisae asked as she looked down at me, her brown eyes sparkling brightly. I think Inoichi's words had been true. While her features may have been relatively plain, her _personality_ shone through, making her look almost angelic. Those amber brown eyes were practically to die for though, almost looking a little bit gold in the lighting.

I nodded my head. It wasn't an easy task, being as I was about five months old and couldn't even crawl yet. I ended up slouching, my head too heavy to lift back up without exhausting myself.

"Oh my," Hisae murmured, picking me up as she corrected my balance, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you understood me perfectly and were answering me. But I suppose you're just sleepy."

Which wasn't exactly untrue.

It was then Inoichi came in, his smile radiantly shining as he took in the scene before him, "God, I am one lucky man to get such a great family."

"This year has been quite good one, hasn't it?" Hisae mused and I began to rest my head on her shoulder, my drowsiness taking hold. I _had_ been awake for about five hours and that was something of a struggle to do.

"Aww, look at her, perfectly content in your arms. Wish she'd be like that with me."

Hisae laughed at my father's words, the sound flitting softly into my ears, "Well for that to happen, you must gain her trust."

Inoichi growled loosely, shaking his head, "I am nothing but trustful!"

"Yes, yes," Hisae gently soothed as she walked closer to my Dad to give him a kiss, "Happy birthday."

That was only the beginning though.

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

Three hours later, once all of the guests had arrived, I felt as if my cheeks were about to fall off by the sheer amount of pinches they were getting. Admittedly, this only added to my grumpy, sour mood, regardless of the fact that I was usually in this state of mood after a nap. Again, I don't _like_ having my cheeks squeezed to death. To add to it, I was fairly certain Hisae was just as uncomfortable.

Being that she grew up away from shinobi and their after-formality ruckus, she didn't know what to think when a shinobi came up and asked if she would like a glass of sake and if they could hold me. Hisae, I learned from her discussion with the fool, had never had a glass before and she'd rather it stay that way. The shinobi promptly replied with the question of if _I_ wanted any. She didn't bother to answer, just walked away, pretending as if Inoichi had called for her.

He hadn't, he was much too busy with his friends and creating almost as much havoc as that idiot-shinobi.

To say Hisae was beyond upset, was an understatement. But it was more than that. She looked absolutely frazzled, with her cheeks flaming brightly and her body exuding a strange heat that normally wasn't there.

It was as if me and my mother were the only _sane_ ones there. The elders had left, and the rest of the older generation had also gone, leaving the younger generation to celebrate and create noise. If I could talk, I would tell Hisae to take me and leave, but I knew she couldn't. As the wife of the clan leader, she'd have to stay.

So that's what we did. Hisae took us to a corner, a place for us to stay out of the way, as she pulled out her bag of toys. Most of them were things from her own childhood and during our down-time, when we weren't at the shop, we'd play with them endlessly.

It was fun, as it always was when my mother decided she could sacrifice her ego to play games with a baby. For some reason, I always maintained an air of dislike for the games, as I was too old mentally for them to give any form of entertainment, yet when the blocks came out, or when the dolls showed their beautifully painted faces, I would slip into a childlike state where it was easier to enjoy things.

I suppose this was how I grew to laugh and smile for my mother.

Still, we had barely managed to build half a tower of blocks before Inoichi found us, bringing his pals along with him.

"Hisae-san!" Chouza greeted, merrily wiping his mouth of crumbs, "And hello there little Inori-chan!"

I gave him a heavy stare, wanting only to go back to my game of blocks. I still couldn't really place them how I wanted to but I could hold things now and Hisae was a great help. _They_ weren't going to help though. Knowing that, I couldn't find these people interesting when my entire focus at the moment was learning how to properly use my hands.

"Hello, Chouza-san, Shikaku-san," she nodded toward them politely. Even still, I could detect her uneasiness with them. She really didn't like ninjas, it seemed. Which was kind of funny, as she had gotten married to one. But it might have been because she grew up away from any source of violence. I wondered how she'd react to me, when I got older and was forced to train? But then again, would I wake up before that?

The funny thing was, as time went on and I developed, life became reality to me. I would even go to the point of calling Inoichi and Hisae, Mom and Dad in my head. Forgetting the past and living in the moment, trying not to linger on what I couldn't bear to think of... It was kind of scary, losing track of reality like this.

But it was less scary than the thought of waking up for real.

"So yeah," Inoichi murmured nervously, "this is their first time seeing Inori." While I released a tiny huff, he shared a glance with his friends before he continued on, eyes shifting, "Isn't that right?"

Apparently my Dad was a useless liar in the face of my mother. I mean, if he was a bad liar how could he be in Torture and Investigation?

Hisae's eyes narrowed, "Inoichi? I can tell you're lying." Yet she left it at that as she packed up the blocks in a bag and went and picked me up. She stood as she looked over the three of them, her face serene, "You boys should've come by sooner to see Inori. She would have liked it."

I was surprised, to say the least.

Was Hisae not really afraid of ninjas? She looked to be saying this genuinely as she shifted my weight in her arms.

"I trust you boys above the others to keep Inori safe," Hisae's cheeks brightening more than they had already been as she mumbled out her next words, "Maybe you guys could babysit her when she's older."

Inoichi's gaze sharpened as his hand went to Mom's flushed skin, "Hisae... are you... sick?"

I released a small breath, suddenly feeling worried for her. No wonder I'd been feeling warmer than usual. I had thought it was the party and the body heat of everyone else around but no, Hisae was hot and noticeably stressed.

"Not in the slightest," Hisae murmured softly, swallowing thickly. I wanted to shake my head at her idiocy. It was better to sleep and get better than to be sick, right? Feeling worried, I couldn't help the spew of babbling nonsense that left my mouth as I reached up and touched her face. It was hotter than I thought she'd be.

"See, even Inori's worried," Inoichi said, brushing a thick strand of hair from her forehead, "Come on, Hisae, these two can looked after her for awhile. You need to get better."

"But," she protested before Inoichi shook his head, worry clear in his eyes.

"What if you get Inori sick? It'd be terrible, wouldn't it?"

Thatt was when she paled, shock going to her face, "I didn't thin—."

"Don't worry, come on. Let's get you to bed," Dad gently took me, handing me over to Chouza as he left to guide my mother to their room.

This was when I decided to doze off in the Akimichi's comfortable arms.

"So cute," he cooed before I went off in a dream-like haze.

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

Hisae didn't get better for a while, three days to be specific. I hadn't been allowed near her for that time and as such, had to live off of a strange tasting formula for food and had to be looked after by Inoichi, sometimes strangers.

If I had never appreciated what Hisae did for me, I did now. These people, bless their hearts, were rather inept at entertaining me, although I couldn't blame them. I refused to show my reactions to anyone that wasn't my mother or father, so I'm sure we got sick of each other pretty fast.

When Hisae was finally healthy enough to be around me, I would have done a happy dance had it not been for my lack of movement. But possibly better than that, this was the moment of my first words, as I finally found out how to manipulate my voice box into working for me.

"Mama," I had exclaimed happily when I first caught sight of her the moment she entered my room. She froze, eyes wide.

"Mama...?" She blinked at me before pointing a shaking finger at me, "Did you just...?" But the end of her sentence vanished as glee lit up in her eyes. Without hesitating, she rushed forward, coming over to engulf me in a loving embrace.

"Mama," I repeated, just to show off. I tried for another word too, "Dada."

Should have probably saved that one, in retrospect. It _was_ the breaking point.

"Inoichi! Wake up and get your bum over here!" Hisae immediately shouted, briefly causing my ears to hurt. I frowned at her, letting her know just exactly what I thought about her raising her voice.

Moments later, he ran into the room with worry etched into his face, "Is she sick? What's wrong?"

She said nothing, only looking at me with earnest eyes. Oh, well.

"Dada," I murmured while pointing at him matter-of-factly. His jaw dropped, no lie. In all honesty, I was pretty proud of myself too.

I should have probably been prepared by then but when he hurried to me, I wasn't exactly aware I'd be vehemently thrown about. Hisae did nothing to stop it either, only laughing with happiness as she hopped in her place, clapping her hands together like some sort of cheerleader.

"She said 'mama' first, Inoichi!"

"She said 'dada'! I'm a Dad!"

I would have given him a look about how he had been a Dad for five months already but at the moment my vision was swimming from being shaken. God, if I get brain damage...

Luckily, Hisae stopped him soon after, taking me into her arms while I tried to calm my spinning vision and sick stomach. Ugh, I should have said nothing.

"This is cause for celebration!" Inoichi announced, "We'll have a feast with our closest friends for this great occasion!"

Okay, that's just crazy, no way would she go along with i—.

"Yes! Invite your team, and make sure you invite Tsume-chan... and Mikoto-chan!" Hisae laughed then, "We're not really close with the Uchiha's but Mikoto recently had Itachi, didn't she? It'll be a play-date!"

Inoichi smiled, "I'll get right on it!"

Itachi...

Uchiha?

Oh shit.

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

As it turns out, the adults got to eat their delicious food, while the three babies played closely by. But more on that later.

It was a bit unconventional, what with how untraditional it was for the heads of notorious clans to sit and eat with such a whimsical reason. I figure the only one to come here with less than savory thoughts was Fugaku Uchiha but he didn't seem to mind the informal attitude of this whole debacle. In fact, he even looked a bit happy if I were reading his sort of face right. He also seemed to sense Mikoto's excitement to talk babies with other mothers. It was like icing on cake for my mother and Tsume to be such great conversation partners. So much so that it looked like my mom was having fun too.

Even from over here, as I shoved around blocks with Hana, Tsume's daughter, I could see my mom talking animatedly with the raven haired woman who bore a similar look of enthusiasm.

Content with the fact that my mother was happy, I returned to the task at hand.

Although it hadn't been spoken between the three of us, we all had the same goal in mind... I think. At the very least, I wanted to build a castle out of my blocks and had been thus trying to get the other two to see things my way.

So far, only Itachi had.

His eyes, even if he was barely a month older than me, contained a sharp intelligence. To add to our common traits, we were both quiet, only having to share eye-contact with each other to express our thoughts and ideas. Even better, _he_ could actually lift the blocks and place them. I guess being a seven month year old really was better than a six month.

So I soon came to think of Itachi Uchiha, supposed murderer of his own family in a future I cared little to think about, as Minion One. The funny thing was that, my initial dislike of him didn't even come from what he'd do in the future, only what he presented. The fact that he was close to my age meant... ugh, that I was five years from the birth of Naruto. My buddy would have been significantly excited about this, especially that I was dreaming so vividly of his favorite manga.

Regardless of all that, Hana, although slower than Itachi and I, soon came to be Minion Two.

It was like a match made in heaven, us three.

So by the time my castle was complete, the task having been finished in a near two hours of good mess ups and my odd funny chortling. Hana laughed a lot too, but hers was prettier and I just didn't laugh often enough to even know what mine would sound like. Itachi was quiet the whole time, only ever breaking into smiles every now and then. I took this as the sign that we were pretty much comedians to be.

Because of this, after having found that I could get along with babies, I was intensely unhappy when the others had to leave without even celebrating my finished castle. It was the first time I had made something with other kids, right? Wasn't that something to gush and coo over? Apparently no, and I can attest to the thought that adults had a really weird sense of priority.

Besides, Hana, throughout the whole process, managed to not drool on anything—something I was supremely impressed with. Even I, an adult in a baby body, drooled only too frustratingly often.

Alas, them staying wasn't to be as everyone left before the sun dropped and I was retired to my crib once more.

But this incident gave me thought:

Could I... actually be having fun in this fictional world? Since when had I gotten so care free?

I would be stupid if I hadn't already noticed that I had recognized my parents as my own already, even in my head, lord knowing they were better than my last pair. But it wasn't just that.

Life had gotten less dull, more...interesting.

One thing was for certain though.

If I was truly in a coma, I didn't want to wake up anytime soon.

* * *

 **Love Life**

* * *

I was in my twelfth month of life when I finally met up with my minions again.

That's right. My first birthday.

My birthday party, something large and festive, was to be taken place at a park near the Yamanaka compounds. It would be my first time outside, aside from the brief moments mother took me outside to her garden, explaining to me the types of flowers and their meanings—and let's not forget how I when was still too young to be without my mother, I would get to go to the shop with her. But those trips had considerably lessened and let's just say I had never been anywhere like the place we had gone to.

It was simply supposed to be a public park but it wasn't only just that.

The park had been decorated for the occasion, well half of it was. The Yamanaka symbol was splattered across a large banner, along with the wish of a ' _Happy First Year, Inori-chan_!'. There were other colorful decorations but I was rather unimpressed with it all. I still didn't see why we couldn't just come to the park and invite the close people I had come to tolerate. I didn't want the whole village here professing they knew me when they most certainly did not.

But I wasn't too unhappy when I realized that another kid was found to be having their own birthday. When I had looked over, briefly, being held in Inoichi's arms, I had found that an adorable pink haired boy, with sparkling eyes, one green and one blue, was staring back at me. He looked similarly upset about the Yamanaka setup as I was as his eyes continued to travel around.

There was a small flag raised up, however, announcing his own name in a similar fashion to my own. His name was Anzu... Apricot. Funny. Cute—it matched his hair color, I suppose. Genetics in Naruto were a bit, no, uh, really fucking weird.

But that boy soon turned away, an older woman saying something to him and I lost all interest in him. I turned to Inoichi, who smiled at me broadly before I gave him a smile back, in return.

I mean, he deserved something if he was going to put all this together in the end. But my other birthdays, if I have any say about it, would be spent purely with close family and friends.

As if my thoughts cueing it, Mikoto came forward, Itachi in her arms. He had gotten bigger while we had been apart, and already I could see him thinning out as he lost his baby chubbiness to being taller. Don't get me wrong, he was still plenty chub-tastic and all around adorable, but I could see in his eyes that he'd rather be walking around.

"Down," he murmured, wiggling his feet, and Mikoto complied, grinning. Not soon after I tugged and pointed at the grassy ground, I was put down. I wasn't much of a talker, it wasted too much energy and my mouth already felt so hot from having been clamped shut tight.

But the gist of it is that the both of us, coming to stand inches apart from each other, were looking each other straight in the eye with at least some understanding between us. His eyes were dark, like glittering obsidian rocks, and seemed to hold an edge of deeper understanding that I found startling. It was almost as if he too were an adult in a baby's body but there was no way of that being a thing. That would be a whole new can of worms I _definitely_ would not open, if only for the sake of my sanity.

"Hello," I whispered softly, not looking him in the eyes anymore. I looked to my feet, finding the strain of standing at the age of one difficult. I probably wasn't as active as I should be but I was getting to it. I'm sure I'd pay the price later on.

"Hi," he replied. This made me curious of how large his vocabulary already was.

Most babies only know 'mom' and 'dad', _maybe_ a few others. Age two and three were the chatty years, I believe. It was different for me of course, because well, I _am_ an adult. Sure, _Itachi_ was different because he was practically a boy genius—but it made one wonder.

I decided to test him.

"Itachi," I murmured, pointing to him. He nodded, brows lifting lazily in quiet surprise, "I'm Inori."

"Inori," he repeated, pointing to me in return. I grinned at him, pleased with this turn of events. He could actually understand. I think.

"Hungry?" I asked and he shook his head, pointing to his mom.

"Fed..." he trailed off and I nodded.

So he couldn't exactly form complete sentences but really, a one year old with his vocabulary? Amazing...

It was kind of like a pleasant surprise for me. After all, I had been in training to be a teacher before my music career took off. Not that I was complaining about the music thing, but I've always found kids to be fascinating. Like puzzles that you had to have the drive and patience to figure out properly.

This was when Mikoto cooed, a smile lighting up her features pleasantly, "Oh look at them! They're talking already!" She gave a sly grin towards my dad, "and what a proper hostess you have here."

"Oh, yes, our little Inori-chan is just so considerate of others," Dad said in reply, his face tight. I gave him a wondering look, amused that he was having such a difficult time with the Uchiha. Did he _have_ to lie like that? The only consideration I had for anyone was for Mom (sometimes Dad) and even then, it didn't extend far beyond that.

"My offer does still stand, you know?" Mikoto murmured with a cat-like precision in her glittering eyes.

"Hisae and I," Inoichi sighed out, eyes betraying his exhaustion, "are still discussing the proposition."

This got me curious, but only slightly as I turned half an ear to their conversation. But when they strayed from that topic, I found myself ensnared once more by Itachi's pretty eyes. He looked—sad to admit—but _bored._ I frowned, instantly wanting to remedy that.

Huh.

Perhaps I _had_ gotten better at being nice. Mom would like that.

"'Tachi-san," I murmured thickly, testing out my voice wonderingly. I didn't talk much, even less so on attempting to. At the tender age of one, expectations were still low enough that I could get by with minimal efforts in that regard.

"'Nori-san," he replied questioningly, head tilting to the side adorably, brows raising just a smidge. I silently wondered if the 'I's in our names were just too hard to pronounce right now. After saying it once, I sure as hell had given up.

"Play," I suggested carelessly, waving my hand in the direction of the sand box.

It was with that one word that seemed to be the start of it all. One simple word that would be the cause of many more to come. But I figure his reply was the one that did so much more.

One action that changed the entire meaning of my existence in this world.

Itachi nodded, his smile faint.

It felt warm.

* * *

 **Love Life - End**


	2. One Fruit a Day - Anzu

**A/N:** Hello again! This chapter brings in the last of what was pre-written back in 2014. Again, this chapter details Anzu's side of the story. He's a hyperactive weirdo who likes to talk back and is the know-it-all of actual Naruto details. Meaning the fate of the world pretty much lies in this idiot's hands.

We hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

 **Anzu**

* * *

The fuck is this?

I blinked, chubby limbs coming to wipe at my eyes. The frick...? I didn't remember having such tiny fat were slender, _beautiful_ fingers. My mouth opened for a huge yawn, and although I had slept all day, I couldn't seem to keep my bleary eyes open. The world around me looked like a pond, as if the people moving around inside it kept pressing against water, rippling and shifting their faces so I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't tell who was who, just that there were people and laughter as well as some blubbering.

Everything was made of colors and no lines. It was all very disconcerting—a word my best friend would applaud me for using. Heh, that I even know _how_ to use it.

"What should be your name?" I heard from the face closest to me, the person shifted around and I felt numb to whatever was prodding at my body.

"Botan is cute!" Said a cheerful rumble a little ways to the side. This face was constant as well, but he moved too much to really get a good look at him. How did I know he was a guy? Because it was obvious from his rumbling voice, and I'd spent plenty of time in my life dreaming of having the same voice type. Wishing I could have that one piece that set me apart from other boys.

"Eh? Who would call their child Botan...that's not very cute, is it?" Another voice murmured to my other side. I guess I should have noticed sooner, but my brain obviously wasn't functioning correctly as I just then realized they weren't speaking English. Oh. Okay. I see.

Fucking weird, but I _had_ learned Japanese because of my friend—and Anime, and to know other peop, and for a lot of other reasons. Thank God for that, though I doubt she'd seen this shit storm coming.

"No! Let me think, Kizashi!" The face closest to me demanded.

"Aww, but Mebuki-chan~!" Kizashi sighed out.

"No buts, we've already decided I get to name our firstborn." Mebuki stated. _Firstborn? What? Maybe I misheard..._ "Anzu. Haruno Anzu."

Apricots...ughh. Worst fruit ever. They always tasted sour to me, but as a name I guess it was okay. WAIT. WHY THE HELL AM I JUST ACCEPTING THIS BULLSHIT? I had a name thank you very much, the name Alexander.

Hell, I didn't want to be a baby. I couldn't even remember dy—

 _Crash._

 _Me and my best friend gripped each other as the car flipped into the traffic._

 _I shouldn't have let her drive, she wasn't good on American roads, and earlier that day I'd accidentally commented on her shit taste in music. If you knew her as well as I, you'd already understand she was the type to murder you for making fun of that. She was a die hard fan of her music_ —a _nd now I understood just how die hard she could get._

 _"You bastard! This is your fault this rental got all busted!" She started to yell, even as we were bleeding out. I sighed, hoping God really would take pity on the two of us jacked up people. "If I..."_

Right. Oh, perfect. Reincarnation wasn't in my belief system, as I actually virtually _had_ no belief system other than, well, nothing. But now that I had proof of it, it wasn't that hard to accept the reality of it.

Okay. So I was a baby? And I was Japanese, clearly. Why else would these people be speaking in this language? I'm in America right now, or well I'm supposed to be. Apparently something went wrong? Or did reincarnation not give a single fuck about the matter of location?

Okay. Well, hmm, surely if this was a dream or a coma, it will end, right? Alright, I'll just let this go and enjoy things while it lasts. Maybe I _want_ to be a baby. At least subconsciously, but honestly I couldn't help thinking how absolutely moronic that would be. Gross, even.

In fact, without thinking too hard on it, I prefer this to be real. A fresh start. A new life. Hm.

My body relaxed into the grip I was no longer numb towards, instead I could feel the warm strokes coming from my mother. I snuggled closer, acting cute like the suck-up I was—ahem, _am_. If I was gonna be a baby for a while, I was going to milk it for what it was worth, get _all_ the coos of appraisal.

"Anzu-kun~?" The nurse asked, her face still blurry. I guess I could understand why she looked all ripply, me having underdeveloped eyes and all that shizz. Why the hell was I conscious of this anyways...wasn't I supposed to be ignorant and baby-like? It made no sense that I could still remember everything from my past life. "That fits him doesn't it, his hair is a beautiful pink after all."

I'm a boy? Yes! Last life I'd been forced to be a girl and endure the torment of not feeling like I had the right junk. It was never that I didn't think my body was my own, no I _owned,_ it just didn't work the way I wanted it to. I was a man damn it! But having a vagina, I'd been denied even the small things. I didn't want to be a woman, but never had the money for surgery. I was just lucky enough to be an contralto rather than some high pitched girl.

I felt giddy, absolutely consumed by this knowledge. Yes. If this was a new, fresh start, this was a damn fine one.

"Are you an idiot? Apricots aren't pink, they're an orange color." Said what I'd assume was the doctor.

"No, they have a pinkish color to them as well!" The nurse whined, her face undoubtedly scrunching up in thought. Ugh, if only I could see.

I had pink hair? That's fucking weird.

"Quiet! My baby is trying to sleep, we both had a rough experience!" Mebuki warned.

Why did this feel so familiar? Pink hair...Haruno...Mebuki and Kizashi. Aha! Naruto! My favorite of all manga/anime ever made. Naruto was completely why I was into what I loved with all my heart.

I remember Mebuki being Sakura's mother...and Kizashi was her father? I'll admit that although I loved the series knowing everyone was quite frankly hard when they were side characters and I'd only seen them for seconds at a time. But that didn't make sense for my brain to comprehend, not really. Reincarnation into a made-up world?

Not possible. Simply not possible. Even me, a simple minded lad knew that much.

"I understand, Mebuki-san, and you should be careful. We need your permission to keep Anzu for another week, to run some tests."

"Tests? What for?"

"Anzu is a miracle, the amount of chakra in his body is far too great for that of a child. We'd like to check to see if the amount of chakra inside him is going to affect how he grows."

Oh yeah, I was an adult inside of a child's body. Chakra was a system composed of spiritual energy, gained from experience as well as exercise, it was the life force made from growing old. It wasn't surprising that my chakra was abnormal, being 25 and in a child's body. Of course it would be thrown out of whack, my system would compute my experience and make chakra from that.

Wait...what the hell? How was I accepting this like nothing at all? I should be off the roof with disbelief. Except it was just the opposite, I'd never been so calm in my life.

But what confused me was...Haruno. I was a Haruno? That's not right. Where was Sakura? She didn't have a sibling. Especially a brother. And I had pink hair? What was genetics in Naruto, holy shit.

What a perfect way to start of my new lifetime.

* * *

 **One Fruit A Day**

* * *

I was not even three weeks old and yet still I was left home alone.

I guess I wasn't really alone; there was some old lady checking up on me every now and then. I wouldn't say I was neglected at all, even being alone. It was just that I was starting to get bored...just a little bit. With my parents around it obviously made life a bit easier. The duo was really humorous, at least as a temporary distraction.

My father was the more chilled one in the set, while mom was actually rather strict in a way. She spoiled our fun, especially when dad tried to throw me up in the air. Of course she'd have none of that, I was her precious first born after all. They joked around though, always smiling...so happy that it made me ecstatic for no apparent reason. Soon I found myself smiling along with them, having no care or clue in the world.

I guess they were on a date or something, getting groceries maybe? Frick if I knew. They didn't come to their baby and tell them what the hell they were doing. They could be at some love motel making Sakura for all I knew. Or cared to think about.

When the hell would Sakura come into the picture? If she ever did. That thought scared me even more.

I wanted so badly to be her big brother, to hear her say "Nii-chan~!" Ahhh my heart, my heart can't take this. Even picturing her say such a thing makes my head cloud with happiness. Damn. I wanted her as my sister. My little sister, aww! So cute.

I slept away those musings. Although I could see quite better now I still found sleep to be the best goddamn thing in the world. Other than that, I shit, pissed, and barfed every which way. Let's just say I was adorable.

I did my best to play cute, defenseless baby with needs but some of the time that just resorted in tears, mostly my tears. Yeah I was a god damned crybaby, I'd always had been. Even in my last life I cried a lot, it didn't help when _I_ was the type to like seeing _others_ cry. No, I'm not a sadist...I just love when another cries. Let's call it a fetish of sorts, I'm pretty open about that kind of stuff.

When the old lady came to check on me, I was lying on my back, snuggling into a stuffed plush kuna, even though I'm pretty sure the thing would be a choking hazard if I hadn't been who I wasi. Upon noticing her, I started to bawl. Don't judge me, it was simply because I was hungry and I wasn't sure if I had some bodily fluids in my diapers or not. Yeah, you can't judge me, I was a baby.

She frowned, her hard face softening as she extended her arms to pick up my small body. I cuddled into her warmth, knowing very well she was quite fond of me, she had knitted a few baby clothes for me, and stopped by with her grandchildren. Annoying little things, but stand able.

"Little Anzu, what's the matter," she asked before whiffing the air. Her face screwed when the stench of my diaper hit her nose. "Ah, understood."

She set me back down and left the room. A few seconds later, she brought back my baby bag. I'm not gonna detail how she cleaned me up, but it got done. After that, I cried some more, motioning to my mouth that I was hungry as fuck, and she needed to feed me right away. Which she got after a little while. After that, I fell asleep in her arms.

* * *

 **One Fruit A Day**

* * *

"Come on Anzu, don't be stubborn!" Dad forced the train of mushed peas into my mouth, ugh. They were weaning me off of my mother's milk now that I was getting to be six months of age, which I would definitely take over this shit. I hated peas, not my favorite thing in the world. They fed me formula as well, but it didn't have the same...I don't know, it just wasn't the same. I don't care what anyone says, or how they'll judge me, I kind of liked my mother's milk, I was a god damned baby after all. It was comfortable and normal to me, and it was definitely a bonding experience.

I spit the peas out and pointed my chubby fingers to the trash can. _Throw that shit out._ Of course he didn't, just did that stupid train and airplane crap, as if _that'd_ make it taste any better. Ugh, some people man, some people.

"I don't think he likes the peas, he didn't act this way with the rest of the vegetables." My mother put in, always the wiser. She gave me a warming smile, jerking the stupid jar of baby food. She threw it into the garbage and went back to the fridge to fish out something else.

"Do you think he'd like carrots?" Mom called from the fridge. I nodded towards my father. I loved carrots it, mushed or not.

"Yeah, bring it out," Dad said, not even glancing towards my face to see if I had a reaction, I was a baby, I couldn't have had my preferences picked out. This made me realize how much you could grow in such a short life, but then again I knew I disliked certain things even here, as I learned I actually didn't like it when women stopped us on the streets just to coo at me. Maybe when I was older I could enjoy such attention, but jeesh, I was getting way too tired of being an adorable little shit. I was growing here, just as much as over in my last life.

Mom came by and popped the lid open before handing it off to dad, who stuck the tiny spoon inside the orange goop and tried his trains once more, which I accepted gratefully, as I had been really hungry.

Of course after that, I had to have a bath, my dad wasn't very good at reaching the food into my mouth, not that my motor skills weren't to blame or anything. I was so slow, ugh. I was a sloth.

Dad set me in the tub, a tiny thing in comparison to theirs, humming a gentle tune that I had to admit kind of sucked. Which worried me whether or not I'd be able to sing again. But then I remembered that even in my last life my parents couldn't sing for crap either. I hoped I would be able to at least have a nice speaking voice, even if I couldn't sing.

"You're so dirty, how did that happen?" Dad joked with a smile as gentle as his touch. He took a sponge and rubbed my forearms, gently peeling at the grime I'd managed to accumulate since the last bath. I liked bath times, too. They were nice and gave me time to my parents, some days I'd have both of them, others I'd have either mom or dad.

Sometimes they'd even venture out to bathe with me as well, but that was only recently and I could only remember a few times that happening.

"It's because of your terrible choo choo train skills," Mom said, laughing softly as she came up behind dad. He smirked, rubbing at my belly.

"Hey now, I'm amazing at that."

"Whatever you say, Captain Delusion."

I giggled at them, leaning into my dad's hands. They beamed at me.

"Think he knows what we're saying?" Dad asked, his grin widening. Yep. Every little detail. I stared dumbly at them.

"Nah, he's only six months, Kizashi. He's probably laughing with us, not at us." Actually I was laughing at you, but whatever makes you feel better, mom. Mom glanced over at me, speculating but remaining silent.

When bath time ended, I was whisked off to my crib, which sat right next to my parents bed, as we lived in a small apartment.

I hadn't realized it at first, but mom and dad were rather young to have me, my mother was only seventeen, while my dad was eighteen. Maybe here it wasn't that young, as ninja's got married early and gave birth early for more numbers. It was as simple as that; the society was completely different from my before. I had heard my parents also talking about a move when I was a little older.

I prayed that when I was old enough to not sleep in their room, they'd get busy on Sakura. I was rather impatient on this, no matter how ew it was to think of the two of them getting it on. I wanted Sakura dammit!

I went to bed, swept away by the thoughts of having Sakura be my little sister. Ahhhhhh~!

* * *

 **One Fruit A Day**

* * *

Teething sucked.

It was absolutely _terrible_. I'd heard stories in my past from friends that had kids that either their child couldn't care less about getting chompers, or they absolutely were being tortured as new bones sprouted into their gums. I had the misfortune to be dealt the latter.

I screamed at my father who tried to stick that cursed spoon into my mouth. Ugh, it _hurt_ so much. Tears streamed down my face and I hadn't slept well for days. I'd kept them up with me, too. It wasn't on purpose of course, I was just temporarily blinded from the raw _itchiness_ and stabbing pain in my mouth to comprehend that what I was doing didn't just affect me, but made my families life a living hell.

"Do you think Granny Chiso can help?" Dad wearily asked, setting the spoon onto the table. I wanted to chew on it, not eat the stuff it carried. Ughhhh.

"Y-yeah, I'll go get her."

"Listen Anzu, your obaa-san is coming so sit still, she'll make the pain go away."

Granny Chiso, the old woman who was mentioned before, also happened to be a really old medic ninja from way back when. She was who got called when I had this bad of a reaction to anything health related, or I was feeling slightly down.

Upon her arrival, I shouted with glee and started to bounce on my tiny bum. Her face softened at my reaction and the old woman came to pick me up, my tears wetting her traditional wear.

"What seems to be the problem?" I showed her my mouth, opening it wide with a cry. "Ah, I know the perfect remedy for that, little Anzu. Seems you're having a tougher time with it that any of my other grand kids." She babbled while setting me back down. I stuck my fingers in my mouth and fiddle with the oncoming set of molars. Ugh, I wish this would already stop.

Granny Chiso left for a while, but I had faith she'd come back, she was the only one I could count on when I was in this much pain. Not that I didn't think my parents worthy, I just didn't trust them with medical stuff, and it was clear they didn't trust themselves as well. I guess it was at that point I decided that when I grew up, I'd be a kick-ass medic-nin, but actually it was just a budding thought.

I didn't want to be anything, probably didn't even want to be a ninja. I would definitely be a singer, maybe do enka or something cool like that.

"I've got it!" Granny Chiso exclaimed, coming through the front door once more.

"Obaa!" I shouted, it didn't really sound like Obaa, more like oah or something along the lines of not language.

Her eyes lit up at my face as she made her way towards my pouting form. In her hands was a tube of something, I didn't know what the hell it was, but she popped the top open and dropped some of it onto her withered fingertips. "Open wide, Anzu."

I did so, letting the open air touch my aching gums. She popped her fingers into my mouth and rubbed around, the aching vanishing with her warm flickering touch. When her fingers left my mouth, I finally realized that her hand was also glowing that green aura, a light flicker aged by time. She doused the light and turned towards the kitchen to wash her hands of my mouth germs.

"What was that?" Dad asked, eyes round with surprise.

"See? I told you she could handle it." Mom laughed, elbowing my dumbstruck father in the ribs. He rubbed at it absentmindedly.

"It was just a cream to numb the pain, he should be able to sleep for a while, call me again for his next fit." Granny Chiso grinned warmly as she turned from the kitchen faucet. Then she left, my mouth no longer feeling that god awful pain.

I didn't sleep, however, too busy enjoying living my pain-free life.

I was actually pretty excited to gain teeth, no matter how painful getting them was turning out to be. I mean come on, I could eat all kinds of things with that _._ Maybe the pain was worth it, I didn't know how good a cook mom or dad was, I just knew they complimented each other all the time. Bunch of happy idiots they were. With teeth I could talk like no tomorrow, too. I was excited for that, to show off how much words I knew. Oh my gosh, I could be like...a prodigy of sorts. That'd be cool, way cool.

I would totally be cool in this lifetime, not the loser I practically was in my old life. This was my golden opportunity! Yes! I shall bring honor to my family. Yup, the Haruno family could totally become a clan thanks to me and my darling sister Sakura. Who I still entirely hoped showed up sooner or later, I mean come on dad, get started on it.

I could be like Road to Ninja Sasuke. I could be a pimp. Oh my gosh, decisions had to be made here! This was a brand new life and I was just then discovering what kind of possibilities for there to be. How should I act? Should I be one of those cold, mysterious typed guy, or a fun, lovable nii-chan? Oh man, I could even be the tsundere manly man type. Wait, was that a type? I had no fricken clue but I could totally be it.

One thing was for certain though, I would be the best god-damned nii-chan there ever was.

* * *

 **One Fruit A Day**

* * *

It was my first birthday and we were at the park. I was a bit vocal of course, having a few prized teeth that granted me the ability to at least slur some words. Of course I wasn't speaking paragraphs, but I sure did show mom and dad that I was extremely smart for my age, that's for sure. Still, they never categorized me as a prodigy, no matter how fricken cool I was or how much I already knew.

"Drink." I murmured, my chubby fingers grabbing at the bright blue party cups. Mom sighed and picked it up for me, pressing it to my lips as the cold liquid beverage dripped down my throat. It was orange juice, my favorite drink in the world, right next to anything pomegranate. I chugged the drink, my parched throat clearing up on the hotter than average day.

I rubbed my chest, patting it slightly, although I had no reason for such an action. I guess it was to show to mom that it was good, though I could have just told her so. Although I first thought I'd be vocal about anything, I soon realized I was actually rather timid. It wasn't odd at all, in my old life the only environment I'd actually thrived in was the stage or even just in a place I felt comfortable in enough to sing at, which was practically no where.

"Are you having fun?" Dad asked, coming over with some of the neighborhood children tagging around him. I nodded, not necessarily a lie but not the truth either. I was rather mixed about such an occasion, I didn't know whether to rejoice with joy that I'd survived in the Narutoverse for a year or to mourn the loss of life I could have been experiencing back in my old life. I couldn't enjoy my day to the fullest without having old memories of my best friend and I hanging out, the stage, even the slight fame I'd achieved. I couldn't get past the fact that I'd died, not quite yet was I entirely certain this could even be possible.

 _What if this is all just a dream?_

The thought scared me even more...was I in a coma or something weird like that? Stuck in a world I created for myself out of devotion to one of my favorite things in the world? Why would I want to be placed in such a place was beyond me. Here, I could virtually die from just about everything. Everything would end up killing me. Yeah, my old life in the modern world people died all the time, but did they die from doing ninja things? Fuck no, it was drugs, murder, or even accidents like the one I'd gotten myself into. Maybe I shouldn't quite fear death due to the fact I've experienced such a thing, but I actually couldn't help but...keep that age old thought that it would be entirely painful and torturous to die. I never wanted to die again, to be ripped from my body like a caged bird being yanked out through the slight space in the bars of my holding cell. Because that's what it felt like.

Being ripped through your body...how to describe the absolutely horrific event. I guess it would be like cutting off a body part, except cutting them all off at the same time while experiencing each break. Like cords snapping as you forcefully come free from your cage, the cage being your body. Just like I said, pulling a bird out from a cage that held no doors. Gruesome, painful, and somehow cleanly executed. That's it. Then darkness.

From my darkness, I feel as if something surely went entirely wrong in the process of taking me to hell (or heaven, but let's face it, no one thinks they'll end up there). Instead of fire I saw light, instead of boiling I felt the cold rush of air hit my nude ass. Instead of heaven, like fluffy clouds and golden gates, I felt and saw the warm forms of my new mother and father. Instead of simply feeling nothing in this body, I could feel my chakra, like a river running through an entire forest. It all connected somewhere, but I couldn't touch on the thoughts, I refused to think on such things.

This was here and now, not a yesterday I probably won't remember as time went by.

And that, was also a very long rant about nothing in particular. Hey, I've always been altruistic.

"Hot." I grumbled, freeing my mother's grip on me so I could sit and possibly roll around in the dewy grass. For a second the world swirled around me as my view changed.

I looked around, breathing in and out smoothly as the world began to slowly right itself. I saw another family not far from here also having a birthday celebration, cool I guess. I mean, someone born on the same day as well as having their party in the same park? Awesome. I looked up at the colorful banner, god damn it. Clan kid.

Yamanaka symbols engulfed the banner, along with the words of praise, saying things like _Happy First Year, Inori-chan._ Ew. I knew I probably shouldn't have been entirely jealous of clans, but I had to be. While most ninja's came from prosperous clans, I came from a family where they had both been civilian born. There were no clan teaching, no clan family I could rely on, only mom and dad. Even Granny Chiso was apart of a clan, she was from the senju clan. Me? Haruno. Stupid, useless Haruno. _But not for long_.

I grumbled some more, pouting as I looked at the birthday girl. She was blonde, blue eyed, with a chubby face and cheeks galore. Holding the kid was Inoichi, of course I'd recognize him, super bad ass over there. Hella yeah I knew him. He cooed and ruffled the girl's hair, joking with a brown haired woman who also showed tender smiles for the girl. Inoichi's niece or something? Cool, man. Still, I didn't quite like clan kids.

"What are you staring at, Anzu?" Granny Chiso said, coming up behind me. I shook my head and stood on my unsteady feet. I paced my way to her slowly, then shot up my hands when I was right in front of her. The old woman laughed as she gently reached around my waist, pulling me as she straightened her back.

"Cake?" I asked. She nodded. My cake was chocolate, exactly what I'd asked for. Of course I had just said chocolate, then added suki just to encourage the choice for my parents. In creme it was written Anzu, and a single candle was placed expertly into the middle of the round cake.

"Happy birthday, Anzu-kun."

No matter, I had my own clan. My own family.

* * *

 **One Fruit A Day**

* * *

I got out of my crib as my parents enjoyed their time with friends. They were drinking alcohol, being loud, and as I could hear it all transpire, I couldn't sleep. Even if it was a new room with a good door that nearly kept the noises of the outside from coming in. We'd recently moved into a house, which I had to admit I was extremely grateful for, as this meant my parents could obviously work on baby number two. Which obviously meant they could work on Sakura. Know what I'm sayin'?

I padded my way over to the door that was slightly ajar, and pushed my arms through the hole. I sent the door moving to the side, quietly of course, and slipped my body through the opening, like a pro. Then, I walked to the dining room, where everyone chatted about, still talking about god-knows-what.

"Oh, is that Anzu?" Asked a women I'd never seen before. I looked up from concentrating on my feet to see her, and another dude giving me mildly curious looks.

"Ah, yes. I guess we were too loud."

"Yes. Too loud." I grumbled, wiping at my eyes. "Woke me." I shot glares around the room before continuing my way towards my mother, who was closest, sitting on her flowered up pillow. Before I could get to her though, I fell forward, tripping to fall flat on my face.

Of course, being too prideful I didn't cry out as my face met the wooden floor. Instead I just laid there, sprawled out, grateful for the silence that befell the room.

"Ughhh..." I drawled, closing my eyes.

"Should we...help him?" An unknown man's voice asked.

"Nah, he'll be okay." Dad answered, probably using that easy grin I hated so much at that moment.

"You're just saying that 'cause you're lazy," Mom sputtered, "I'll pick him up."

"No." I mumbled as I felt her hands go around my waist. "Quiet."

She cooed, rubbing my back as she sit me up on my butt. "You're gonna have to deal, okay, An-kun?"

"No." I told her. Because honestly? I'm not the only one who can cry and keep them up at night.

She gave me an odd look, the kind that spoke as if she knew what I was trying to get at, the kind that told me that she very much didn't appreciate it, and that even as a child I wouldn't get away with it.

Ah, Mom.

"Sorry, he's quite the moody brat sometimes." Dad said, he coughed, trying to hide the smile I tended to bring on by my childish antics. Then again, I am a child.

"Nuh-uh." I shimmied on my butt to the table and looked at it with mild interest. I _was_ supposed to be sleeping, as it was afternoon and my naptime but now I was thoroughly roused and if they could shut up in this thin-walled house for just a few moments, I'd be able to make the best of naptime. Forlornly, they could not.

I didn't insist again.

The strange woman smiled curtly at me, as if she didn't know how to deal with children, especially ones as moody and as young as me. Too bad, she was a looker. Not that that mattered, I wouldn't be of any sort of age to do anything with the opposite sex in. . .quite some time.

Which was a good thing, because my stomach flipped just at the thought, in fact I honestly was a little terrified of romantic relationships in the future. I mean, I know that if I try to date older women more my speed being maybe fifteen they'll be most likely predators, and I sure as hell don't want to date any girls younger than me. The thought honestly sickened me.

Maybe I could convince myself I am the age I am.

Which is one and like two months or something. Which is not what I am.

"So this is your little Anzu," the man smiled. "He seems like a chatter-box, how often does he speak?"

"Too often. Can't get him to shut up half the time." Dad said with a pointed smirk my way. I know he's playing, but I can't help playin' right back.

"Yeah, right, Dad. Any word you hear utt-tered from my mouth is the absolute vestige of art! The pinnacle! THE PINA COLADA OF ART." Okay, the last bit is said in English, but not that they know that. Pretty sure English isn't in the Naruverse? Unless it is. Hm. Food for thought. I'm not a pirate, I will not go searching for answers.

I kind of want to go searching for answers.

My parents new acquaintances looked at me, with confused expressions on their faces before the woman clapped her hands. She smiled with a brightness to her eyes that I had to admit I liked.

"Have you ever tested him?" She asked bluntly.

"No," My mother said, a slight frown playing on her usually light face. "He's much too young."

I roll my eyes, not that they notice that.

"Would you mind, Haruno-san? He's rather an articulate character for his age."

That I am. I nodded with the woman.

"No." My father said immediately, it surprised me with the amount of force in just that little word. I mean I say it pretty damn often, but not nearly to that effect. I guess I do have some tricks to learn after all.

Usually it's mom lording over our family. Guess he has some backbone after all.

"Give it a little thought, maybe not right away." The man added, he sent me a sympathetic smile for which I didn't understand.

So what if I speak words? What am I supposed to do? Lie through my teeth and act like I can't? Screw that noise. I live in my ability to address the world with my awesome prowess with words.

Un, can't stop this. Mental hip pop for the win!

Still the woman kept trailing her eyes back to me, an easier smile coming to her tight demeanor.

 _I just have a way with words, you'll find I'm stupid in any other aspect._ Is what I want to say. I can't. My arrogance won't let me.

* * *

 **One Fruit A Day**

* * *

You're probably wondering what happened after that day. Well nothing much actually, mom and dad did not think much of what those people had said. In fact, they treated me as they usually did. Which meant I wasn't sure of how serious I was being taken.

I wondered what it meant that my words would go through their ears, how I could talk easily and not really be heard.

But that's life as a child, how often are children taken seriously, right?


	3. For Bonds That Strengthen - Inori

**A/N:** Chapters beyond the first two will be more of this chapter's length. Don't expect this story to be a mammoth. This story is pretty low effort on our parts, so don't expect too much, okay? **SassySizzleMonster** and I both have much more interesting stories to check out.

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

* * *

 **INORI**

* * *

Itachi became a common playmate for me once I began calling for him.

It was rather useful what one could get away with if you had a cute face to beg with. Though I would hardly call what I did 'begging'. No, I was above that. It was more that I pestered my mother into arranging playdates for us. I don't know if Itachi even really cared enough to ask for me like I did him, but I didn't really care. The point was, we had a weekly meet up and were getting along with each other swimmingly.

"'Tachi," I said, though it was probably much more of an order than anything else, "that block goes right there to help the stability of the tower."

Don't really know if he understood my words but he nodded in affirmation just the same and together the both of us lifted the heavy block and got to work setting it up just between another two of them. By now, our castle—which we'd been working on for as long as I'd been visiting the Uchiha clan compound—was progressing very nicely.

So far we had an entire fort made out of wooden blocks and, proven by the rain that sometimes showered over Konoha, it was waterproofed. It spread across the entirety of the backyard and inside of the many of the rooms we'd made, were flowers that Itachi and I had planted together with the help of our mothers.

For two kids that weren't even more than three years old, we were proficient in our speed and worked without complaint. It was nice and easy to be doing this, not to mention a great workout that winded me less and less as the days passed. Which was probably why my parents were so ecstatic I was no longer the lazy sloth I had been previously to knowing Itachi.

Beforehand, I didn't know it was something they were worried about—I'd thought that it was expected for babies to lack maneuverability but whatever doctor they confided in, probably some Nara, told them otherwise. I suppose things worked a bit different in this dream land when it came to kids. Well, never mind all that.

Mikoto, if she found any of this strange, was unbothered by the huge obstruction in her backyard and instead came out with a tray of rice balls.

Itachi and I both instantly stood up, dropping the blocks we had in hand before ducking out from beneath the door of the main fort. It only seemed to highlight the perfection of our creation as we'd seen her from the windows easily from our vantage point. It was something Itachi had thought of in placement of where our openings would be. Of course, my contribution in the design was just as great, making the vantages matter more in the way that only a child could go inside and be able to navigate the winding tunnels I had been carving while Itachi worked on the walls. Absolutely perfect in what a kid would want in a hideout.

Pride swelled up within me as the two of us made use of the swinging door we'd made out of tree bark. Fugaku had even helped us with it too and even carved a cute little face that I had never expected to come out of the stone-faced guy.

Mikoto clucked her tongue as soon as she saw me and got to work on brushing out my long blonde hair and freeing it of the dirt it had collected. Mom would have done it better—Mikoto had a tendency of pulling too hard—but I didn't complain and instead reached over to pick up a rice ball.

"You have such a lovely face, Inori-chan," she cooed, "even dirt looks good on you."

I gave her a look, though I don't think she really processed what it meant. Whatever, I just got to work shoving onigiri into my mouth and wiggling my feet over the wooden porch. Itachi sat beside me, gazing out over our shared efforts and it was a peaceful moment, nice and calming. The best of what the world had to offer, really.

"We're almost done," I told him with a sure nod, but then I looked at him and narrowed my eyes, "Do you have any ideas before we destroy it?" He tilted his head at me in question and I shrugged, "It'll be fun. Destroying things can give you the better ideas on how to make it better the next time around."

He gave _me_ a look, one that mostly said to slow down when I was talking to him. I did tend to babble towards him in all honesty. Sometimes I forgot that his vocabulary wasn't as fully developed as the one I'd been born with. I sighed and repeated myself slowly. Mikoto began to braid my hair but I wasn't really paying attention, too focused on being sure he understood me.

Then, he pointed over at the tallest part of our city of blocks, "Sleepover?"

I beamed at him. Seriously, he was dreadfully cute.

I nodded my head, careful of what Mikoto was doing before peering up at her, "I think Mama would be okay with it, are you?"

The matriarch of the Uchiha clan seconded my smile with a nod of her own, placing the finishing touches on my braid. I think she was a bit starved for having a daughter because coming over to play with Itachi always meant coming to play with her too. Which I was generally okay with as long as she served food.

"I don't see why not. He _will_ be your husband after all," she told me cheerfully and I blinked up at her innocently. Weird thing to say to a girl that was barely even three years old. As for the rumor that the Yamanaka would let the future head of the clan marry the future head of the Uchiha clan...

It wasn't likely.

Dad was a little too uppity to let that happen but I think Mom and Mikoto were pleased with the idea. Mostly because it meant that I wouldn't need to be much of a shinobi if I wasn't suited towards it.

It was strange—the Uchiha clan was rather secular with not many marriages being formed with outside clans. For them to suddenly propose to my father that I get married to Itachi was a little funny and equally as weird. Personally, I didn't really care if the betrothal went through at all.

I could get married to anyone and not care as long as they treated me with respect. Yeah, I wasn't much for the whole 'love' idea that so many got hung over on. If Itachi was gonna be my future husband? Eh, whatever. I'd cross that bridge if I ever got to it.

"Do you want to marry Itachi?" Mikoto asked and I noticed Itachi steal a glance my way. I wondered if he even knew what all of this silly business entailed.

"I don't care," I said honestly, then shrugged before scrunching up my nose as cutely as I could, "What does marry mean?" This was entirely for Itachi's sake, just to be clear he _did_ know.

Mikoto patted my cheek, "It means you'll be together with that person forever."

So that was how Itachi was understanding it too and why he actually looked interested to hear what I had to say. While the explanation of the word was intended to be heard by a child, I couldn't help but realize how manipulative the wording was.

To be with someone forever—as if friends couldn't already do that!

Well, it wasn't much of a bad idea either now that I thought about it. He wasn't the _worst_ person to be married to and a ton of arranged marriages weren't as good a match. Though, I did have to remind myself that he killed his entire clan at some point in the story, even if I didn't know when.

While he hadn't _wanted_ to kill them, as it had been drilled into me by my Naruto-freak of a friend, he had still done in it the story.

I wondered if this meant I would die too but looking at the kid, I just couldn't imagine it. He smiled and it was slight and hesitant.

"I'd like to be with Itachi forever," I said softly, kicking out my feet. Eh, what could I say? His usefulness had grown on me.

"Me too," Itachi said, even softer, "I like Inori."

Mikoto was over the moon in her joy.

Mom kind of was too when she came by to pick me up, cooing about managing to score such a polite son in law. Dad was not going to be happy.

He wasn't happy.

* * *

 **For Bonds That Strengthen**

* * *

"Who does Inori-chan like better? Itachi or Daddy?" Dad asked as soon as Mom related the day's events to him over dinner. I stared at him, face impassive. He stared back, knowing my habits and unwilling to let me slip out of the conversation on count of me being silent. So I debated on what to say and ended up putting off the answer by slurping up a spoonful of my miso soup.

Finally, just as he was deflating, I spoke up.

"I like Itachi," I started, just because I could be particularly cruel towards the people in my life, "and I love Daddy."

"My darling!" Dad yelled out before enveloping me into a hug, picking me right up out of my high chair to spin me around. "Promise you'll love me forever!"

I would have rolled my eyes if my stomach wasn't already having a hard time with the way he was manhandling me.

"Forever!" I echoed, voice shaking as I tried to get a grip on my tummyache before it could set in.

"Darling, please," Mom called out, looking at him with a sharpened gaze. "Let her at least finish her dinner before it gets cold."

Yeah, at least.

Then I'll just have to make a dash for it.

Dad set me back down and flashed a grin, ruffling my hair while he was at it. "Daddy won't let you _ever_ get married. No boys for you!"

Inwardly I rolled my eyes but outwardly, I blinked at him curiously.

"Can I marry Hana then?" I asked wonderingly, a tad bit curious about the reaction.

"Of course!" Dad shouted out with glee, "Then I'll have _two_ cute daughters!"

Mom laughed from where she sat, and grinned, "Mama wants a son, so you'll have to marry Itachi, okay?"

"Okay!" I answered—because whatever Mama wanted, Mama got.

"You want a son, eh?" Dad winked at her, "So, how about you and me, after dinner, we—."

"Inori-chan needs her bath and I have some numbers I have to check in the books for the shop," Mom quickly shot him down. Like a total S, she looked as if she got great satisfaction in watching his happy expression die off.

For a moment, I thought he'd given up but like always, Dad had another idea.

"I can give Inori-chan her bath and in the meantime, you can check your numbers or whatever you need to do. It's just been a while since I've had any free time from clan duties." He gave her the classic puppy dog eyed stare and of course Mom, being as weak to it as she was, relented with a soft smile.

"Be careful not to let her drown," Mom told him, and gave even me a look while she warned him. "She has a tendency to hold her head underwater too long, so don't let her pretend to be a fish for too long."

I felt my cheeks flush and inwardly, I corrected her.

 _Not a_ fish _, a_ mermaid!

"Inori-chan wants to be a fish?" Dad asked, looking at me with an open, curious-eyed expression.

I squinted at him.

"I'm practicing," I told him earnestly.

He blinked.

"For what?"

"For my next life," I informed him curtly.

Because, by god, if I had to live through this life set inside some sort of uncertain hell, then I might as well hope for a Disney universe next.

 _Glub, glub, motherfuckers. Glub, glub._

Bathtime was uneventful beyond my dad incessantly teasing me about my dreams to be a fish and after I was laid to rest for bed, I slept soundly until the morning.

Just a day in the life, honestly.

* * *

 **For Bonds That Strengthen**

* * *

"Papa," I called out towards Fugaku, just as Mikoto had instructed me to do moments prior.

He paused and regarded me, an odd expression passing over his face.

"Look at how adorable she is," Mikoto commented, coming up to pull me onto her lap. She nuzzled her cheek against mine and gave her husband a pointed look. He looked nonplussed by the action.

"I already told you, the elders wouldn't allow it."

"But she's perfect for him! Smart, gorgeous, well-mannered. Plus, her family connections would surely give the clan more-."

"We could never know if the Sharingan would be passed onto any of their offspring."

" _Children_ ," Mikoto corrected him before sighing with a shaking of her head, "and you should know better! It's not as if it's ever one-hundred-percent for any of us to unlock it. The eyes aren't so weak as to be lost in the case of mixing only once."

I looked towards the door—for any escape option that could get me out of this damn mess of a conversation.

 _Do they even realizing that I can_ hear _them?_

Fugaku looked at me then and I tried not to shrink back.

I liked him okay but some moments never failed to make me tense. He didn't have the nicest looking face in the world.

"Perhaps if we had another child," Fugaku finally admonished with great reluctance in his voice.

 _Sasuke_. Ugh. No way!

I was generally chill with people planning out my life for me by now—not like anything could help it—but some things just _needed_ to be nipped in the bud.

"I like Itachi!" I interjected passionately.

With my future happiness on the line, I had to make sure they knew where I was coming from. There was no way I'd marry someone so much younger than me and _definitely_ no one with such a bad attitude. Even if the massacre were to never happen, one could never trust how he'd turn out. Could be a total bad egg compared to Itachi's even temper.

"My, my," Mikoto brought her hand to rest at the top of my head. "Don't you see how perfect this is, darling? Please make it so. I won't ask for anything else if you grant just this."

Fugaku looked at the two of us and I did my best to give him my best practiced puppy dog eyed stare. After all, I had learned from the best at it—my father. A look even the sadistic would succumb to.

He sighed and held up his hands in defeat.

"Alright, alright."

And that was how I officially came to be engaged at the age of three years old.

* * *

 **For Bonds That Strengthen - End**


End file.
